#46: SEND THE METEOR ☄️

🚓 CRIME - Toronto man arrested for playing Hitler speech outside neighbour’s house

☄️ SIGNS & WONDERS - Fireball meteorite splits the sky above Mississauga

🧒 YOUTHS - Saskatoon teen jailed 3 years for lighting high school classmate on fire

Good morning.

The nice thing about being a member of Gen Z and owning absolutely nothing is that I have no investment in the future besides my offspring.

With that in mind, I don’t really care whether the world ends next week, month, or year.

Honestly, the easiest future I can imagine is one in which my family and I are vapourized by a hydrogen bomb in our sleep.

But since I’m not a romantic, I envision a future much bleaker than that—a future in which I toil as a member of the permanent underclass while my children despise me for being poor.

Anyway, I’m sure I’ll feel better once the snow melts!

Enjoy today’s stories.

-Peter

⌛️ Today’s read is 3 minutes long.

🎲 WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

▼ 48% chance a province will schedule a referendum to leave Canada this year (-2% this week).

▼ 31% chance Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry get engaged this year (-4% this week).

▲ 39% chance Canada enters a recession this year (+6% this week).

▲ 94% chance the Liberals will have a majority government by June 30 (+37% this month).

*Odds are based on yes/no betting activity on Polymarket.

A Toronto man was arrested last week after playing a recording of an Adolf Hitler speech outside his neighbour’s house.

27-year-old Rostam Rashidkhani faces two counts of criminal harrassment, two counts of mischief, and one count of causing a disturbance after three alleged incidents that took place over the course of a week.

Police say it all began on Feb. 28 when Rashidkhani approached his neighbour’s house and “began banging on the door while making racist and anti-Semitic remarks.”

He allegedly did this twice.

The third time, on March 6, he allegedly “stood outside and played a speech given by Adolph Hitler on his cellular telephone.”

The Hitler speech was apparently a bridge too far for his neighbour, who called the cops and had the man arrested.

Rashidkhani is due in court on June 1.

A fireball meteorite was caught on video soaring above Mississauga Tuesday morning before it was downed by a Patriot missile interceptor above Ohio.

In the dashcam footage published by CP24, the bright fireball can be seen splitting the firmament above Toronto’s most populous suburb before fading out of sight seconds later.

The driver who captured the footage was travelling on the Queensway near Camilla Road when they spotted the rare celestial event.

“It’s definitely your classic fireball meteor,” Ethen Sun, a University of Toronto astronomer, told CP24. “Very exciting to see. Bright enough to be visible during the daytime. That doesn’t happen very often.”

Sun, who worships the celestial body bearing his surname, said fireball meteorites like this appear “somewhere on Earth about 10 times a year.”

NASA says the meteorite broke up in the Earth’s atmosphere above Valley City, Ohio, but Smalltown Graffiti (SG) has learned from anonymous Pentagon sources that the U.S. military actually intercepted the space rock using a MIM-104 Patriot missile.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, the sources said the U.S. government is covering up its use of a Patriot missile to prevent anticipated criticism for wasting a precious interceptor amidst critical stockpile shortages stemming from the ongoing war in Iran.

“The strategic value of the interceptor exceeds the total taxable assets of the projected impact zone,” reads a leaked internal Pentagon memo obtained by SG.

“In the future, personnel are advised to prioritize 'Epic Fury' theater requirements over domestic atmospheric anomalies that only threaten non-essential rust-belt lives and infrastructure.”

A Saskatoon teenager will have three years in custody to think about what she did wrong after dumping gas on a classmate’s head and lighting her on fire.

The girl was 14 years old when she lit the 15-year-old victim's head on fire in a hallway at Evan Hardy Collegiate on Sept. 5, 2024. The names of both teens—who are now 16—are protected under the Youth Criminal Justice Act.

The offending girl, who has been in custody since the attack, will spend two years in secure custody followed by one year of community supervision.

She will serve her sentence under the intensive rehabilitative custody and supervision (IRCS) program, a therapeutic option for youth suffering from a mental illness or disorder who are convicted of serious crimes.

The girl whom she attacked suffered burns to 40% of her body. She has undergone multiple surgeries and is left with scarring and disfigurement.

The girl was “robbed of her Grade 10 year,” her best friend told CBC. She is now attending a new high school and her graduation has been pushed back by at least a year due to setbacks from her injuries.

_{Source: CBC News}