🎥 WATCH - Toronto man begs for mercy after police impound Ferrari for stunt driving

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 DATING - Ladies’ man films himself driving 190 km/h delivering flowers to Orillia girlfriend

🧟 ZOMBIES - Man caught on tape crawling down Toronto subway car

Good morning. And boy do I have a feast for your eyes planned today.

All three of today’s stories are based on videos that mainstream media has ignored.

If you watch any of them, make it the first one.

Trust me.

- Peter

Today’s read is just 1.5 minutes long (that’s a record). ⏰ 

🎥WATCH🎥

“OFFICERRRR, PLEASE!” 

A Toronto man’s Ferrari was impounded this week after police stopped him for driving 60 km/h over the speed limit en route to his birthday party.

The man begged the York Region Police (YRP) officer who pulled him over to issue a ticket instead.

“I’m on my way to my birthday party,” he said. “Please, officer!”

“There’s nothing I can do,” said the cop. “It’s a stunt.”

So the man called his mom.

“Maaaa,” he said. “You have to come pick me up. The police pulled me over.”

Watch the whole thing here. 👇️ 

In a follow-up post, YRP burned the man so hard I’m doubtful he’ll ever recover.

“Do you think this guy’s parents still let him have cake and open presents 🎂🎁?” they wrote.

Ouch.

Just remember: if YRP ever pulls you over, keep your mouth shut.

Anything you say can and will be used to mock you on social media.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨DATING👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

MR. STEAL YO GIRL

Hide your girl, lock the door, and throw away the key—there’s a ladies’ man on the loose.

On August 1—better known as National Girlfriend Day—a man posted a video of himself on Snapchat driving over 190 km/h approaching Orillia on Highway 11.

The average posted speed limit on the two-lane highway is 90 km/h.

In the video, the man is listening to Bhangra music and holding a bouquet of red roses as he zips up the left-hand lane.

Check it out. 👇️ 

Fellas, DO NOT show this video to your girl.

It’s no secret that ladies love bad boys, especially the ones who risk life and limb to deliver flowers on National Girlfriend Day.

Tread carefully lest this man steal your girl!

 🧟ZOMBIES🧟

28 BEERS LATER

Last week, zombie-thriller film 28 Years Later hit streaming platforms across Canada.

It’s a beautiful and terrifying film featuring hundreds of naked zombies who run with the combined athleticism of Usain Bolt and Caitlyn Jenner.

This week, the film’s unofficial sequel 28 Beers Later premiered on the floor of a Toronto subway car.

Critics are raving about both films, although some say the zombies in the sequel are a little too sluggish (and perhaps drunk) to be scary.

Here’s a sneak peek of 28 Beers Later:

To be honest, I think fentanyl—not beer—was the culprit here, but “fentanyl” is a hard word to rhyme.

Here’s a fun little weekend activity for you: find a word that rhymes with “fentanyl.”

Good luck.

-Peter