👮 LAW & ORDER - TTC cracks down on fare evaders with new ‘POO’ Patrol

🎥 WATCH where you sit—there’s bedbugs and needles on the TTC

🧑‍⚖️ JUSTICE - Ontario bans public from virtual court proceedings after multiple ‘Zoom-bombing’ incidents

Happy Friday. 

It has occurred to me that this newsletter is rather Toronto-centric.

And when I cover stories outside of the 6ix, they’re usually still within Ontario.

This is not an oversight. It is my personal belief that every Canadian province and territory other than Ontario exists for the betterment of Ontario.

Ontario is a black hole that sucks in the Wealth of the Nation and spits it out overseas.

My Albertan readers will agree because they love oil and gas so much.

On that note, here’s a breakdown of where my readers are located:

• Ontario: 90.57%

• Alberta: 5.66%

• British Columbia: 1.89%

• Quebec: 1.89%

Here’s another interesting factoid: a significant percentage of my Ontario readers are Albertan defectors. Now isn’t that interesting?

Enjoy today’s stories, which are all from Ontario—mostly Toronto.

Oops.

- Peter

Today’s read is 2.5 minutes long. ⏰ 

LAW & ORDER

WATCH OUT FOR THE ‘POO’ PATROL 

In an effort to intimidate subway fare evaders, the TTC is renaming its Fare Inspectors to the much more grave-sounding “Provincial Offences Officers,” or POO for short.

The TTC announced the change on Sunday afternoon. When its media relations team logged in on Monday morning, they saw that the new name had gone viral.

“Just spotted some POOs on the street,” wrote one Twitter user. “Did anyone workshop this?”

The TTC went scorched earth in its reply:

“Yes, Matt. We were kids once too and the acronym was thought through,” they Tweeted.

“We thank the snickering, puerile 12-year-old boys who dominate the internet for their insights. However, it does not negate the fact that fare cheats face fines of hundreds of dollars – which is no laughing matter."

Go off, TTC.

The POO Patrol is also getting new uniforms. These wannabe law-enforcement officers will wear grey shirts and a vest that says POO in great big white letters.

They are authorized to levy fines worth up to $450 if they catch you riding public transit without paying your fare.

Dear Toronto readers: do not underestimate the POO Patrol. 

They’re worn thin with embarrassment, and they’ve just been given sweeping new powers.

Expect them to abuse their authority. They will write tickets for weird looks. 

But hey, you’d be embarrassed too if you had to walk around in a vest that says POO. 

WATCH 

TRY NOT TO SIT ON SOMETHING WEIRD

Another PSA for my Toronto readers: be careful where you park your butt on the TTC. 

Several videos have recently emerged online showing bedbugs crawling on subway seats. 

And in early June, a TTC streetcar was taken out of service after a passenger found a needle sticking out from under a seat. 

Well, that explains the POO Patrol. 

The TTC is cracking down on fare enforcement because it knows disgruntled Torontonians will stop paying for their rides if they learn they could pick up bedbugs on the subway or HIV/AIDS in a streetcar.

JUSTICE

ONTARIO KICKS TROLLS OUT OF COURT

Doug Ford’s government is banning the public from virtually attending Ontario court proceedings following several “Zoom-bombing” incidents. 

Assistant Deputy Attorney General Katie Wood sent court staff a memo this week saying the decision was reached after trolls infiltrated virtual court proceedings and disrupted them with racial slurs and pornography. 

Gytis Pabedinskas, a Windsor defence lawyer, recounted some of the Zoom-bombing incidents he witnessed. 

“When the [zoom-bomber] account went in, it started playing a pornographic [video] as well as had some audio playing where it was calling the judge an N-word,” Pabedinskas told CBC News. 

Linda McCurdy, another defence lawyer (ugh), thinks this ban is a good thing. 

“If you want to participate, if you want to view, come on down to the courthouse,” she told CBC. 

In other words, if you’re going to disrupt a legal proceeding, at least do it in style. 

Like this guy. 

Enjoy your weekend.

-Peter